Healing Through Connection: Love’s Unexpected Role in Grief

Reading time: 3 minutes
Written by: Annmarie Borosic

I wasn’t expecting to meet him. My grief was all-consuming and the only thing I needed was to try and catch my breath again. I wanted to feel something beyond my world falling apart, leaving me raw, trying to pick up the pieces.

He surprised me in so many ways, showing me I can believe again–believe in my ability to care for someone again. To openly be my authentic self without judgment. He showed me kindness. Affection. He listened to me - to understand. His gentle nature made me feel safe. His mind intrigued me. His smile brought me calm. He touched my hand, and called me beautiful—and I believed him in a way I hadn’t experienced before.

His eyes showed gentleness as he put his book down to look up at me while I got ready. There was an endearing innocence in his eyes. 

“His gentle nature made me feel safe. His mind intrigued me. His smile brought me calm.”

I loved watching him learn new things, and show curiosity about those that brought me joy. I didn’t want to meet anyone, especially not there. It had been so long since I found comfort in another person.

Our time was limited. We knew it the day we met. I was passing through. That’s all it was supposed to be. Maybe I was naive. The realist in me was pushed aside for that little girl desperately wanting to be loved and needing to love another in return. Could it have been him? I saw so much potential in all that he could be for me, for us. For the man he was during our brief time together.

Alas, we said a tearful ‘See you soon’ and vowed to make the trip to visit one another. Saying goodbye felt unbearable. I was hopeful. I wanted the fairytale; the happy ending. The self-inflicted pressure became too much for both of us. Our conflicting timezones and work hours began taking over. Sharing our days’ little moments started to fade.  Maybe due to a lack of desire, fear, or real life. Whatever it may have been, we decided and said our final goodbye.

He was everything I needed to feel again. To have a glimpse of light in the utter depths of my grief. He gave me laughter. Hope. The feeling of being needed. Wanted. I am grateful to him. I am thankful for opening my eyes to my strength in choosing my needs. In showing me I can trust myself. That fearful woman is no longer present. I know who I am. And I am strong enough to walk away when the lessons needed presented themselves and something no longer serves my greater good.

It doesn’t make it any less painful. I don’t feel any less disappointed. But I remain hopeful that maybe one day it can be possible again. To find someone I can bear my soul to. To open my heart to. To allow into my life to love me. Maybe. But for now, he gave me hope and the light I needed.