Empower Your Mind: How Solo Adventures and These 5 Books Can Boost Your Confidence
4 minutes
Written by: Annmarie Borosic
Imagine just waking up and being incredibly confident. No self-doubt, no fears, just the unwavering strength in knowing exactly who we are and being absolutely in love with that person; knowing we can do anything we set our minds to.
The truth is, and I’m sure you can attest to this - no matter how confident we may be, there is always an off-day or an off-moment. Fighting a lot of uncomfortable internal dialogue, sometimes to the point it can feel debilitating. I feel that has to be similar across the board for all of us, right? At some point or another?
For me, I had to find a way to get comfortable with being very uncomfortable. The only way I learned to do that was to build my confidence. I’ve had to do many things alone. When I was a solopreneur running my events business, I was always going to networking events alone. Whether there were 10 people or 100, I needed to get into a headspace to find ways I could build relationships. If there was a trip I wanted to take and no one else could go, I needed to find a way to be comfortable in hopping onto a plane and flying across the world.
At this point, I’ve probably done at least a dozen destinations as a solo traveller, and I can’t count how many events I’ve had to do on my own. Even with those experiences in my back pocket, I can honestly say, at times, I still find myself fighting these annoying little fears:
“What if I can’t do it”
“What if I get taken advantage of”
“What if I make no friends?”
“What if I’ll have nothing worthwhile to say?”
“What if I do get lonely”
“What will people think of me being the only one alone?”
So many ‘what ifs” and caring about what people think. But what if it’s the most incredible, life-altering moment of my life? What if I do what I want regardless of what anyone thinks? Those are the thoughts I always choose to side with. At the end of the day, I have an expansive career, and a camera roll that proves what I am capable of doing and I wouldn’t change a second of it. Those are the moments that remind me of who I am and who I am becoming. That’s what's important.
So, when I need that quick little jolt of a reality check, that little self-talk, I like to get very direct with myself. I stand in front of the mirror, hands on hips (power stance), look myself in the eyes and tell the person staring back at me to get it together and I go on a bit of a positive tangent throwing all the things I’ve accomplished into the mix to prove to myself I can do it. I’m telling you, it’s a quick miracle worker in mood-shifting.
View from the bell tower at Iglesia de la Merced
Look, I promised to be honest, so here’s the minor downside. Doing the solo female travel thing, and creating those memories will always only ever be for me and me alone. I remember explicitly thinking about a month or two after returning from Nicaragua that it felt as if it had never happened. It was immediately following the global shutdown, so things were already a little bit odd, to put it lightly. I also didn’t talk about the trip afterwards unless asked and I didn’t frequently flip through photos. I still can’t reminisce with anyone about things that were funny, or scary. It’s just me, my memories, and the photos. I wouldn’t change any of it, but because I tend to forget some things further down the line, there won’t be anyone to remind me of a time that once was.
Learning to be confident in myself, maintaining a healthy and strong mindset is freaking hard! Even knowing all of the things I’ve already experienced, they never seem to matter in that moment of fear. Any of my friends or family reading this right now can probably think of at least a thousand times I’ve called them crying, panicking, or freaking out over something because I was scared. The difference between today and maybe 10 to 15 years ago is I have the tools to get through it faster.
I am a huge advocate of utilizing a multitude of resources - therapy is one of them. The rest, I’ll eventually chat about later on, but of the many things I’ve learned, I love finding a good book that will not only help motivate me but make me a better, stronger person in the process. These are a few of my favourite books that I have read to help build my confidence and to help me better understand who I am.
You’re a Bad Ass, Jen Sincero
Start with Why, Simon Sinek
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson
You Can Heal Your Life, Mel Robbins
The Everyday Hero Manifesto, Robin Sharma
