Finding Your Way: 10 Steps in How to Cope and Thrive Through Life’s Ups and Downs

Reading time: 4.30 minutes

Written by: Annmarie Borosic

Life doesn’t always go according to plan. No matter how much we prepare, unexpected events can catch us off guard. As a deeply rooted planner, I know this all too well—my mind often finds itself in crisis-management mode, calculating countless potential issues and devising plans for each possibility.

Unfortunately, life has a way of throwing curveballs—be it a layoff, the death of a loved one, a breakup, or even a global shutdown. My journey into event planning began right before the 2008 market crash. One morning, the CEO called a meeting with all employees. We met in the commissary and were told layoffs would begin that day. We would find out if we were out of a job if our role was written on one of the several lists taped onto the walls in the commissary. I was one of 100 other employees to lose my job that day. I felt humiliated and felt defeated. I was 23 years old. I had done everything I could do for five years to land my dream job in the largest broadcasting company in Canada. Just like that, I was out of a job and felt like my career was over before it began. 

Since then, I’ve faced additional layoffs and countless other challenges. But having endured these experiences, I can assure you: you will be okay. It doesn’t always feel that way, especially in the depths of despair. But trust me, it gets better.

My go-to move is to sleep on my couch. I can gauge how hard things are by the duration of my couch time—my record is about three weeks! This happened after returning from Europe for the first time last year. Looking back, I realize I was ready for change even before I knew I would be moving in less than a year later.

I’ve developed coping mechanisms to navigate difficult times and help build emotional resilience —born from years of practice and far too many challenging experiences. I hope you feel like the capable and strong badass that I know you are! But if you need a little extra help getting there, here are 10 coping mechanisms that have guided me through the tough times:

1. Acknowledge the Situation

Take time to fully process what just happened. Whether it’s a few minutes or a few days, allow yourself to understand what life has just thrown at you. There’s no “right” amount of time for this—just listen to your emotional needs. Once you’ve acknowledged the situation, it’s crucial to find ways to ground yourself amidst the chaos.

2. Practice Deep Breathing

Take a deep breath, hold for 5 seconds, then slowly exhale. Repeat this a few times to calm your mind and body. Deep breathing exercises help reset your nervous system when you’re overwhelmed.

3. Affirm Your Strengths and Accomplishments

List off things you have successfully achieved or accomplished. You’ll need to hear these things in repetition in case your confidence takes a hit. 

4. Reflect on Past Resilience

 Remind yourself of the tough situations you’ve already survived. Look back on the struggles you overcame and reflect on how much growth has come from those challenges. Say them aloud. Hearing the words can make them feel more real. This practice builds confidence in your ability to cope with new difficulties.

5. Create an Action Plan

Focus on what you can control. If your goal is to get past a tough time, break it down into small bite-size, actionable steps. Working backward from your goal can make the path forward feel less overwhelming.

6. Take Time for Self-Care

Prioritize yourself. Whether it’s taking a relaxing bath, indulging in some comfort food, or taking a trip, self-care helps replenish your energy and gives you the mental space to cope with challenges and be the best, strongest version of yourself. Once you’ve taken time for yourself, the next step is to start focusing on the steps to move forward.

7. Talk to Someone

Don’t go through it alone. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your feelings and experiences with someone you trust can lighten the emotional burden and offer a different perspective. Going through something traumatic can also become all-consuming and extremely difficult to get out of on your own. Reaching out to someone can ensure there is someone to check in on you, but also to give you some tough love when it’s time to pick yourself up. 

8. Understand the Stages of Grief

Whether it’s the loss of a relationship, job, or loved one, the stages of grief apply to many areas of life. Familiarizing yourself with these stages can help you better understand your emotional reactions and what to expect as you move through them.

9. Find a Support Group

There are communities for almost everything. Whether it’s a Facebook group or a Reddit forum, connecting with others who’ve experienced similar situations can remind you that you’re not alone. Support groups provide a safe space for sharing and healing.

10. Give Yourself a Timeline

Healing can feel extremely overwhelming, and it may be difficult to determine how much time you need. Setting a timeline for yourself can encourage progress. For example, if you’ve been crying for a couple of weeks, you might say, “Today, I’ll allow myself 10 minutes to cry, and then I’ll focus on moving forward.” This next step can look different for everyone; you might go for a walk, do some journaling, or simply pick yourself up off the floor and continue making dinner. While you may not be able to eliminate the pain entirely, over time it can become more manageable; allowing you to take meaningful steps toward healing.

Healing is a journey, and we each experience pain differently, with varying tolerance levels. There is no right or wrong way to cope, as long as your methods are healthy and safe. For me, indulging in sweets, enjoying a good burger, or taking long walks while allowing myself to cry behind sunglasses have helped me process emotions.

Remember, whether it’s practicing deep breathing or reaching out for support, these coping mechanisms are tools to help you navigate life’s unexpected turns. So, here’s a message for both you and me: Things do get better, even when it doesn’t seem that way right now.