The Power of ‘No’: 10 Steps to Build Unbreakable Boundaries
Reading time: 3.30 minutes
Written by: Annmarie Borosic
You’ve probably heard the age-old saying a million times: “Stand for something or fall for anything.” Without developing a deep sense of self and understanding what drives you, it can become increasingly difficult not only to pursue the things you want and need in life but also to navigate the confusion and uncertainty that can arise. We are inundated with information overload daily—from movie streaming platforms to social media, news outlets, and everyone else’s opinions. This barrage of information can make it nearly impossible to decipher what is right or wrong for you if you don’t take the time to truly understand yourself and set boundaries.
“Your feelings are yours; they are valid, and they are your right.”
From a very young age, I knew I was anti-bullying. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect shown to people who were different. I vividly remember sitting in my high school cafeteria one afternoon when a student walked in alone. I don’t recall what she looked like or what she wore, but I clearly remember one of the girls at my table ridiculing the girl’s shoes, which weren’t as clean or well-kept—or perhaps they were just a bit older, I suppose. My immediate response was to defend her because we didn’t know what her family circumstances were, perhaps they didn’t have the financial means to buy her new shoes. From that day forward, I stopped speaking to my classmate. I refused to be around someone inclined to put others down. It made me uncomfortable, even though the ridicule wasn’t directed at me. I didn’t want to be associated with people like that. I cannot stand bullying. Period.
Your Story Matters.
We each have a story—a history filled with heartache, devastation, joy, aspirations, and hope. We decide who we share it with and how. And you know whose business it is? No one but yours. You get to choose who surrounds you—those who bring out the best in you, spark joy, or know how to support you in desperate times. We all deserve to have our boundaries respected, no matter our gender or another’s opinion about our feelings. Your feelings are yours; they are valid, and they are your right. No one will ever know you better than you know yourself if you choose to embark on that journey. It has taken me decades of personal development, but the most profound and raw self-work I’ve done has been over the last nine years. It’s painful and difficult, but it’s so damn rewarding.
Building Your Boundaries:
Here’s how you can start building your own personal boundaries and protect your energy:
Listen to Your Body: How does it respond to a particular situation, surrounding, or person? If you’re calm and at ease, that’s a positive thing. If you suddenly feel anxious, uncomfortable or overwhelmed, that could be your body’s way of signaling to you it’s time to go, or reassess.
Be Mindful of Sharing: Limit your personal information to those who truly care about you.
Understand Your Values: Identify what matters most to you and what triggers strong emotions.
Maintain Distance When Necessary: It’s okay to keep people at a distance if your values don’t align.
Practice Speaking Up: Start small by voicing your preferences in low-stakes situations like sending back a food order that came out wrong, or correcting the pronunciation of your name.
Set time limits: Don’t be afraid to say no to events or obligations that drain your energy. Learning to manage time boundaries helps avoid emotional burnout.
Create physical boundaries: Sometimes, boundaries can be literal, whether creating a personal space in your home or stepping away from certain environments to recharge.
Don’t apologize for your boundaries: People may try to push your limits, but you don’t need to feel guilty for setting boundaries and protecting your energy.
Check-in with yourself regularly: We’re constantly evolving, which means our needs are as well. Do self-check-ins to see if your boundaries are aligned with your current needs.
Use ‘no’ as a complete sentence: You don’t need to over-explain or justify why you’re setting a boundary. Sometimes a simple “no” is enough. Practice saying “no” little by little to things you feel may be insignificant. It will get you comfortable if this is an area you find challenging.
