Choosing Yourself First: Releasing Relationships That Hold You Back
Reading time: 3.30 minutes
Written by: Annmarie Borosic
I could tell you I’ve always known how to prioritize myself and let go of relationships that hold me back, but that wasn’t always the case. The truth of the matter is, that I once found myself attracted to chaos, lingering in relationships that drained me. It was an unhealthy pattern, one that hurt me more than anyone else.
You are shedding little by little the things that no longer serve you. It’s a process that builds strength over time. There are steps to take that evolve slowly over time until you’re finally able to release old habits, patterns, and parts of yourself that no longer serve you.
I could get into - at great length - why I was drawn to chaos and instability, but I’ll spare you. Eventually, I grew tired of feeling on edge, being annoyed or angry, I drove everyone else nuts, and at some point, I had to decide that living for the next argument was unhealthy and destructive. I learned to release unhealthy attachments that were better for my well-being.
But it doesn’t have to feel toxic, the things around you could very well feel mediocre, or stagnant. No matter how insignificant it may seem, does that feeling align with the future you envision for yourself? Is this moment, these people, things you would dream up for those you love most? If not, it’s ok to let go. It’s ok to choose you.
There’s a saying I often return to in times of uncertainty: Some people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Not everyone we meet is meant to stay. Some come to teach us valuable lessons, while others might inspire us or bring joy before moving on. We can’t always know their purpose, but we can trust our feelings and embrace the lessons they offer, no matter how brief their presence may be.
When I made the active choice to be intentional and start building my external community to reflect the life I wanted and the person I wanted to become, everything changed. I became happier and more motivated, and I felt at ease. I look at each person that comes in and out of my life as part of a bigger purpose, my life’s purpose.
These were some of the key factors that have helped me and can hopefully help you if you’re looking for ways to focus on yourself and start letting go of subpar relationships:
Step 1: Recognize your inherent worth—acknowledge that you deserve love and respect. Write down what others appreciate about you and what you love about yourself.
Step 2. Identify toxic relationships—recognize patterns of negativity and one-sidedness. Consider the emotional weight each person brings into your life.
Step 3. Set boundaries – Prioritize your emotional well-being by saying no to what drains you.
Setting boundaries is difficult. It can sometimes feel lonely when you begin to choose yourself over spending time with someone thatisn’t for you.
Step 4. Invest in activities that empower you, nurture your mind, and open you to people aligned with the life you envision.
Step 5. Celebrate your independence – Embrace the joy of surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you. Celebrating each and every win because sometimes that’s just what we need to keep pushing forward.
Why have we become so accustomed to not pushing back when things don’t feel right? Or people-pleasing and putting everyone else first but failing to care for ourselves? You can actively decide to remove yourself from situations that keep you from developing a strong and healthy mindset. If you need a sign, here’s your sign that says you don’t need permission to start saying no. It’s your turn! Shedding the weight of subpar relationships and choosing you isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Little by little, let go and embrace what you deserve.
